We can be our own worst enemies. Two weeks ago I gave a basic rundown of how to deal with communicating negative thoughts in romantic relationships. This week I will discuss a tactic to help cope with these difficult situations: the introduction of your very own superheroine.
The first step when dealing with adversity, as cheesy as it sounds, is to believe in yourself. Wherever a low moment or crisis in communication strikes, you need to show love and understanding towards yourself. For the sake of self-preservation, it doesn't matter whether or not you actually believe in yourself all the time, but that you are able to rally some form of self-confidence when you need it. Some people might call this an "inner superheroine." What is an inner superheroine? I see it as the culmination of all the inner strengths we possess. Some people like to take this idea further and create a drawing or name for their superheroine. This is cool, but don't remove your own identity from your superheroine's- you are her!
Different traits of your superheroine might be useful for different situations (for example you might not want to bring out the kick-ass Aretha heroine when you're in an emotionally delicate situation!), but I've found that the one trait that spans across everything- possibly also the hardest thing to do- is the ability to show love and forgiveness to yourself. This is sometimes very hard to do when you're in a situation that contradicts these feelings of support- for instance, if someone you love and trust makes a hurtful comment about the way you look or an aspect of your personality integral to who you are. In situations like these it's easy to feel bouleverser... completely knocked over. This is when taking a breather might be a good idea.
My superheroine is very abstract. She is the force that lifts me by the shoulders when I'm feeling low and says "So you want to cry? Take one more step before you do. Get to the end of the block. Read 2 more pages of your assignment. Then check in with me, and if you really need to, you can take a break." A superheroine doesn't always need to come out full force- sometimes it's the smaller victories we make that we don't give ourselves enough credit for.
What's yours like?